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PUNCH UP AT POETRY READING
14 December 1999
THE CHRISTMAS OFFICE PARTY
It's that awful time of year again when we have to endure the ritual of the Christmas office party. That time when every one gets
drunk. Bosses try to get it on with secretarys and everyone wants to photocopy their bums.
Lets look at a typical office party. A company that make pistons for motor cars called "Piston Project Ltd". Lets meet some of
the people who work there.
Mr Dennis Berry. He's the director and boss. He is fifty three and grumpy. 'I am a big bully. Everyone is scared of me because I
bully them. This is because my wife wont give me enough head any more. I'm sexually frustrated. I've tried going out with men but
I don't like shit on my dick. So tonight I will bully one of the typists into giving me some sex in a small cuboard.'
Then there is Mandy and Sharon. Two typists who type out invoices for the pistons. They are both twenty one. They like Boyzone
and the Spice girls. 'We cant wait for this Christmas party so we can get drunk and photocopy our fat arses.'
There is also Jeff. He's the tea boy and does errands. He's not been with the company long. He is only sixteen and he's never had an
alcoholic drink before.
After the staff have finished their mornings work and shut down all operations they are summond to Mr Berrys big office. In
there on a table is loads of booze. Drink ranging from beer to absinth, whisky, rum, gin, brandy. Enough to kill a sailor from
Amsterdam.
'Get in here ' shouts Mr Berry to his staff. 'And start drinking. I am boss do as I say. For a special treat I have orderd a stripper to
arrive here at eight to strip for us.'
Mandy and Sharon are excited. 'What sort of stripper is it? Is it a guy or a girl?'
"I don't know' says Mr Berry . 'It is the cheapest one I could find. Now drink, loosen up and maybe I'll show you my big fat dick.
After all it is Christmas.'
Music plays. Shit like Whitney Huston, Elton John and of corse Spice Girls. People drink, laugh and drink some more. Young Jeff is
being cautious. Not use to these raucus situations he is sipping from a bottle of light beer. Mandy and Sharon notice this and go
over to him.
'Whats wrong Jeff. Are you not enjoying your self?' they ask teasingly.
'Yeah I am' says Jeff nervously. .
'You don't want to drink beer all night' say Mandy. 'You need a real drink.' Sharon pours Jeff a triple brandy. 'Here, drink this.'
'I don't think I should' protests Jeff but he drinks it down and coughs his guts up. The girls pour him a triple vodka. After fifteen
minuits Jeff is blind drunk with puke down his shirt.
Mandy and Sharon pull his trousers and pants down and drag him over to the photocopier.
'Lets photocopy his dick' they say. Mr Berry see's Jeffs bare arse. He takes his trousers down . "I'll have a bit of this cheese cake'
and Mr Berry shags Jeffs arse. After he has finished he throws Jeff across the room where he ends up crumpled on the floor dead
to the world.
Then suddenly the office door is ripped off its hinges . There before them all is a six foot pig with huge oily muscles wearing a
red leather G string.
'Hi' he says in a rough voice. 'I am Dominant squotting muscle pig. Your stripper for the night.'
The pig rips off his G string revealing his big cock. 'There. The strip is over. That will be three hundred pounds please.'
'I'm not paying that' says Mr Berry. 'It only lasted a second. I want my moneys worth.'
'Fuck you cunt' said the pig. 'You get what your given.'
In anger Mr Berry smashed a bottle of champaine in two and lunged at the pig. But the pig threw him on his back and squotted over
him and filled Mr Berry's lungs up with a real big stinky fart.
'Aaaagghhh I can't breathe' choked Mr Berry holding his throat as he staggerd and crashed through the window on to some spikes
below.
'Merry Christmas every body' said the muscle pig drinking from a bottle of tequila . 'You can all find new jobs in the year two
thousand.'
SEXTON MING
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