Tales from The Ming

As published in junge Welt


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The Naughty Witch (18/03/99)

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Aliens (02/02/99)

Sex Clinic (18/01/99)

New Year (31/12/98)

The Pub (09/12/98)

Arnie the Tarmacker (19/11/98)

The Power of Parks (07/10/98)

Frustration Street (07/10/98)

 

 

FRUSTRATION STREET

I have the misfortune of living on one of the most busyest roads in north London. The road is wide, long and straight but it is full of belching traffic. Police sirens wail, buses hiss as they put on their brakes. Lorrys rumble like wild rhino. Every machine jostles for pole position at the traffic lights. The air is full of noise.

But dispite this I do not mind it so much. What realy makes me mad is not the cars and lorrys but the people. Hundreds and thousands of them all clogging up the pavement. They should all take a podestrian driving test. For most walk like zombies.

When I want to get from A to B I want to get there on time. But these scum slow me down. Let me tell you of the waste of life that lerks in this congested jungle.

Mothers with their push chairs. Old ladys with their shopping trollys. People who look the other way from the direction they are going. Gangs of school girls who shufle along screeching Spice Girl songs. Children on bycles weaving in and out on the pavement. Old men with walking sticks.

Lets take them first. The walking stick man. He is old. He knows he is comming to the end of his life. So he doesn't care. With shrinking spine and wobbley legs he zig zags across the pavement. Then for no reason and without warning he stops dead in the middle of the pavement causing pile ups. If you are in front of him he will swing his stick right up your arse causing anal haemorrhaging.

Then there is the mother with her push chair and fat baby or babies. When she gave birth not only did her brat offfspring pop out but her brains too. She aims her leathal push chair at you.You have two choices. Either to have your ankles and shins scuffed or to jump off the curb and be splatterd by an on comming lorry. Either way she does'nt care. She has no manners or graces. All she cares about is her and her sibling. She bulldozes her way through people like a tank on heat without even an "excuse me please".

What would I like to see done with this bagage of people? I would like to see instantanious hart attacks all round. Then the garbage men could come and scrap up the carcasses then the street where I live would be a pleasant placw to walk.

SEXTON MING

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