SOUP CHILD PT SIX
The evil Deacon John had killed the Alchemists daughter and had enslaved all his followers. But now the Alchemist was ready to take revenge by bringing his daughter, Braken Hurter back to life.
Stelthly and cunningly the Alchemist, Cunt Ox and Sprite pitched camp in the woods near the village. They sat silently and thought plans.
'Ok you two. Lets get to it' said the Alchemist.
'What are we to do?' asked Cunt Ox.
'We are going to bring back to life my trusty daughter.'
'She was far from trust werthy' said Sprite.
'Please let me continue. We will bring to life my daughter. Who will distroy that holy man. The bastard who killed her and drove us into exile.'
'Sorry to interupt old man' said the gypsy. 'But your daughter is dead. How can we possibly bring her back into this world?'
'You forget I am a great Alchemist. A man of many years spent studying mystic law and magical secrets. Trust me and do as I command. And I promise you, you will reap tasty rewards of liberty.'
This then is what they did on the command of the Alchemist. They ran sacked a field of hemp plants and made them into lengths of rope. Then they tied and twisted the rope to make a female body, be it stingy. It lay inert on the grassy soil. The Alchemist bent over the thing.
'Well done my mates. She looks great.'
'Looks pretty foul to me' said Sprite.
'I shall now cunjure up the spiret of Braken hurter and place it in the hart of this hemp thing.'
The Alchemist closed his eyes and breathed deeply for a few moments. Then he began to speak in a low voice.
'Oh Braken Hurter, oh Braken Hurter. Come to me and get in that ropey body these nice gentlemen have made for you, Come oh spirit of my daughter. Make home the hemp thing and avenge yourself. Rise hemp thing, rise.'
Slowly the hemp thing stired. Twitching as it did so. Slowly, inch by inch it raised its back. Then it scrabbled to its twiney legs in a flash. The Alchemist clapped for joy.
'See, see Cunt Ox and Sprite. She lives. Speak to us. Speak oh Braken Hurter.'
The hemp thing opened its stringy mouth and revealed knotted brown teeth. In a voice that squeaked it spoke.
'Where's the tooth paste? Powder? It may get your teeth clean. But I don't like the taste.'
The hemp thing began walking about in a bendy way repeating its self.
'She's not a bit like Braken Hurter' said Sprite.
'Yes she has'nt got the zest she use to have' said Cunt ox.
'She's totally usless' said the Alchemist disapointedly as the hemp thing fell apart in a heep twitching and still going on about powderd tooth paste.
Oh well back to the drawing board' sighed the Alchemist. 'We'll try something different.'
'What shall we do with that heap of gibbering rope?' asked Cunt ox.
'Throw it on the fire.'
In the vilage square two men were talking in hushed voices.
'Deacon John has gone too far for too long Tom.'
'Yes Joshua. The holy bastard has eaten all my wheat, I found him in the field this morning scoffing the lot. Then he stood up and laughed in my face.'
'So there be no wheat for me to mill.'
'I'm afraid not Tom. How is poor Mildew?'
'Mercy be. That Deacon fucked her till her moss fell off. She is only now learning to walk.'
Towards them hobbled an old woman with a walking stick.
'Good morning to you Mrs Baxter-Crone' said Tom the Miller.
'What's good about it?' she grumbled.
'What be the matter with you?' asked Joshua. 'Your usually full of life and hot with spice. You look as if a cow has farted pungently into your mouth.'
''That would be a milder thing to happen to me than what has really happened to me just now' she hissed.
'Prey tell us old woman.'
'Less of the old woman shit. I young enough to bust your fucking nose, you cunt.'
''Tut, tut Mrs Baxter-Crone. I have never heard you speak so fouly. Your usually quite humble.'
'Hang my arse on a butchers hook, boy. I through with being humble and meak.'
''Tell us what has caused this anti-social transformation.'
'Its that Deacon John. Demon John more like. He's gone and burnt my house down.'
Tom and Joshua were shocked. 'Why did he do that?'
'Because he thought I was thinking of witchcraft. But I wasn't. I was thinking of soup.'
'Did you explain this to him?'
'yes what good it did. He accused me of worshiping the Alchemists daughter.
Apparently she was fond of soup. He accused me of being an underground Alchemist follower. Like the ones he keeps under lock and key. And he says soup is evil and none of us should eat it. Just in case we turn into witches. I tell you this. I'd rather worship demons than that Deacon's God. And I tell you this too. If that Alchemist could put a spell on Deacon John to kill him I'd follow him to the ends of the earth.'
'Hurray old woman' cried Tom the Miller.
'You call me an old woman once more and I'll ram this walking stick so far up your arse, you could use it as a tooth pick.'
'We are in agreament with you Mrs Baxter Crone' said Joshua.
'I fucking hope so.'
Sexton Ming