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THE PYCIERTRISTS. (Psychiatrists)
2 October 2003
The police man clumped through the sliding doors. He walked up
to the receptionists desk and took off his cap.
'Hallo love, We've got a David Smee down at the station. He claims
to be a patient here and that his Pycietrist is Dr Corkenwell.
Could I speak to Dr Corkenwell about this matter?'
The receptionist flicked through her "Letts" a4 diary
coloured red.
'I'm soory but Dr Corkenwell is busy right now,' Smiled the receptionest.
She was right. Dr Corkenwell was in a room with three other coligues
having
the end of the week briefing There was Dr Callan. Dr Johansen,
the only female in the room. And the senior Pyhietrist that run
the department, Dr Wattford. As being senior to all the others
and Chairman of these meetings he began the proceedings.
'Welcome every one to our weekly briefing of our patients and
running of this hospital. But befor I begin I 'd like to introduce
you to a very special guest. From New York, America. He has studied
in UCLA. Proffecer in "Unknown phyki" And won the "President"
award in "Bio tapesty psychotics" Please welcome Dr
Samual Treadmill.'
The four Docters clapped politely ( That kind of clapping you
get at cricket matches.)
'Dr Treadmill' continued Wattford. 'Has been sent here by his
government to observe how we do it for ourselves. And to teach
us how they do it in the United States. They are exsperts on everything
after all."
'Thank you' drawled Dr Treadmill. His face tanned and clean shaved.
"Its wounderful to be in your country. And it's a privalige
to be in the same room with such eminante people.'
'Well thank you Dr Treadmill. So...Ok chaps" said Dr Wattford
excitedly ( cos he was exicted sitting next to a real American.
He never met one before).
'Lets continue as normal. Discuss case files. Lets take the case
of 'Simon Dandruff" who's in our care. Dr Johanson,I beleave
this is one of your paitients. "
'Yes'.
'Could you tell us about Simon Dandruff's condition?'
Dr Johanson crossed her legs. She was a mature woman in her late
forties. She once had a pretty face. Her figure had sagged. She
had a spare inertube around her gut. If she'd like to get rid
of that I'd take her up the arse.
'Simon is suffering from a exstream personality disorder.' She
began. 'One day he is what he is. A man. The next day he is dressed
like a woman. He beleaves he is a woman. So much so that he beleaves
he can menstruate. And lactate.'.
'Hmm' said Dr Wattford rubbing his chin. "So we have a transexual
personality disorder. What is his history?'
'Simon' said Dr Johanson licking her lips and crossing her legs
again. 'Had a dominante mother. He was sent to public school where
he lernt about homosexuality. I think he fears women. And the
only way he can over come his fear is to become a woman himself.'
'Hmmm' said Dr Wattford rubbing his chin. 'And what do you suggest
we do about treating Simon's condition?'
'Softly, softly' sighed Dr Johanson. 'He is a man who has connected
with his femining side so much, so extream. To introduce machoism
with all its pain and sweat would be a shock to his pycie.'
'Hmm' said Dr Wattford. 'Interesting. What do you think. Dr Treadmill
from America.?'
'A jerk'' said Treadmill.
'Pardon?'
'This Simon guy's a fucking jerk off. Hell if He's afraid of women
he deserves to die. You either fuck their tits or bust their ass'es
off'.
'And what about his treatment? Should we go softly, softly?'
'No way. Go in there like John Wayne. Go in there and bust his
ass. Keep on busting 'n' busting. Till you hold that mother by
the neck 'n' say "are you gunna be a man or ain't cha. Cos
if your not I'm gunna put you in a wheel chair.'
Suddenly crashing through the plate glass window came Randos the
Bull.
'Behold' he said to all the phycyertrists.' This is not Dr Treadmill
from california. It one of your paitients.
'Of course. Its Simon Dandruff disguised as an eminate American
from New York' said Dr Johansen in surprise.
Nurses and heavy metal security guards aprehended poor Simon.
They injected him with drugs and he was escouted back to his bed,
not knowing what week it was. Or what week it was.
'Oh thank you Randos' said Dr Wattford the chief phycyertrist.
'You people don't know jack shit" said Randos as he wiped
his hands, picked
his nose and farted.
THE END
SEXTON MING,
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