MISS NETTLE part 2
05 April 2000
Miss Nettle part 2
Mildred Nettle, as has been said had revived an exstinct weed called the Plasmis weed. To celebrate its rebirth once a year Miss Nettle would make a wreath out of these weeds and a ceromoany early in the morning would occur in which the wreath would be slung over a lampost that stood outside the Landlady's house.
She with her goulish face walked up to Miss Nettle who was studying her apearence in the hall mirror.
'Come Mildred dear. They are waiting for you at the lampost,'
'Coming' said Mildred afixing a sky blue hat with a floppy brim on her head. She picked up the wreath and walked across the road to the small gathering. There was Mr Grusatut having an argument with the Fiendish woman.
'Women can not possibly understand the world of finance. Their brains are only equipt to handle typing and shorthand.'
'You fiesty little man. I will torture your fingers for such a sexist remark.'
'No chance you cow, Get your clothes off,'
'I have the power to turn you to jelly. You think you men are strong with your rippling arms, legs like tree trunks and pulsating pecks of iron with cherry red nipples...'
'What about it?'
'I can smash all that with the strength of my womanhood.'
'Prove it you stoney faced bint.'
'You must accept , my friend that women are as equal as us now days' said Mr Solid with a slight laugh in his voice.
'Piss off you slime ball. You'll say anything to get a fuck. Come on woman, prove it.'
The Fiendish woman slowly and seductivly pulled up her black skirt to reveal a pair of legs in black stockings. Tucked in her right stocking top was a babys bottle compleat with rubber teat. Mr Grusatut shook with delight and fell to his knee's whispering 'Oooohhh Mummy give me my morning feed.' He slobbered over her shins. Fiendish woman swifty kicked him on the jaw. Mr Grusatut's head swung back. Teeth flying everywhere.
'Aaahhhggghhh!' he went.
'Stop that' said Mrs Meal, an old woman in her sixties. 'This is to be a serious and solem occassion ' she admonished the Fiendish woman. Suddenly Mrs Meal doubled up in pain clutching at her chest.
'Aaahhggg I have a sharp pain . It feels like a sledge hammer has hit me in the chest' she grimiced.
'Is something the matter?' asked Fiendish woman.
'I think I'm having a hart attack' the old woman panted.
'Here, let me help you' . Fiendish woman twisted Mrs Meals head untill her neck snapped. She was put out of her misery. 'She'll thank me for that one day' thought Fiendish woman.
'Whats happened here?' Said Mildred looking at the two bodys on the ground.
'Mercy killing' said Fiendish woman pointing to the inept body of Mrs Meal. 'And unsafe foreplay ' she pointed to Mr Grusatut spitting blood.
'Oh how delightful. Now is every one here?' asked Miss Nettle looking around.
'Come on woman get on with it. Fucking women get on my tits' said Mr Grusatut.
Miss Nettle cleared her thoat and began her speech.
'Ah hem... Today we are gathered here to celebrate the revival of the Plasmis weed. Through a long struggle and with determination I have revived the Plasmis weed. This weed was almost exstinct till I came along. I found two plants and forced them to reproduce into bountyful supplys. The world shall grow fat on my back. So in celebration I pronounce this wreath of Plasmis weed to be thrown over this lampost.'
The wreath caught itsself over the light and swayed in the breeze. Around the corner came Circle Burn. He was the local thug, bullie and psychopath. He had no emotion whatsoever. He walked up to where Miss Nettle and her friends were standing. He looked up wards coldly and saw the wreath swaying in the breeze. He unzipped his flys and urinated over the lampost. Miss Nettle and the Landlady gasped in horror.
'That's disgusting you unsavoury scoundrel' said Mr Solid pushing him away.
Before Mr Solid could realise it Circle Burn bit his throat.
'Primitive but eficient' thought the Fiendish woman.
'I say you bumbling oath. That's my business partner you've just killed' protested Mr Grusatut. Circle Burn turned on him. And with a over powerful punch sunk his fist into Mr Grusatuts chest, parted his ribs and ripped out his hart.
'How classicly greek' mused Fiendish woman once more.
'Breakfast' barked Circle Burn stuffing the still beating hart into his mouth. Then turning to stomp up the road.
'What a awful young man' said Miss Nettle. 'Shall we all go back to the house and have drinks' she suggested. They went back to the house.
Down the street with his bright oringe overalls pushing a dust cart came Trixie the road sweep. He stopped by the lampost. He saw the three dead bodies of Mr Solid, Mr Grusatut and Mrs Meal.
'Oh fucking hell. Who has gone and left all this shit laying about. Some people have no consideration for others. This will take me through lunch break to clear it up. And all this blood and guts attacks flies . But wait a minuite there might be some juicy kidneys hidden in these carcuses . I'll take some home to my wife.' Said Trixie pulling out a hunting knife.
SEXTON MING