MISS NETTLE
21 March 2000
Miss Nettle, (Mildred Nettle) had revived the exstinct weed the Plasmis weed in bountyful supplys too. Now she was on her way home from a hard days work at the alotment. She trudged through the streets pulling her trailer full of potted weeds.
'Tomorrow will be a great day' she thought. 'The aniversary of the revival of the Plasmis weed. The ceromony will be great. Every one I know will be there. The Landlady. Mr Grusatut, Fiendish woman and my old friend Mrs Meal. I hope tall Constance can make it. I wounder if her hormoane problem has cleared up yet.'
Miss Nettle stopped outside the guest house where she was temporally staying . She put down her trailer she was pushing and ran lightly up the steps to the front door. There was a card stuck in the window. It read "No Vacancies ". She rubbed her hands with glee. This ment her Landlady was prepared to the game "the poor and weary traveler looking for a place to stay". Miss Nettle being the poor and weary traveler.
She rang the bell and waited with baited breath. The door opened slowly. Inside was darkness. Suddenly a head came into view. It was evil looking. The womans face was pure white as though she was dead. The whole of her eye balls were deep green . And she had a long mouth that when she smiled the corner would reach up to her ears revealing pointed canine teeth. This was Miss Nettle's Landlady and it was obviously a mask she used to play this charade. The only trouble was she had glued it to her real face to stop it from sliding off. And now she could'nt get it off without having plastic surgery. Still it had its compensations. It scared the crap out of the other guests and Miss Nettle loved it. The game between the Landlady and Miss Nettle begun.
'What can I do for you miss? ' asked the Landlady.
'I woundered if you might have a spare room to let' Mildred asked hopefuly.
'Sorry but the house is full.'
Mildred pretended to burst into tears. ' Oh I've been walking many miles.' She sobbed. ''I've got blisters on my feet where tarmac has attacked me rotten. Cant you see I'm at my witts end. I must rest or I'll die of starvation.'
The Landladys bottom lip began to quiver at such a tale of misery and woe. The game was going well.
'Do not cry my dear. I've just rememberd some one vacated their room this morning. You can have that.'
'Realy?' sniffed Mildred.
'Yes' whisperd the Landlady huskily. 'This way' she said climbing a spiral stair case.
'I think your beautiful' said Miss Nettle.
'Kiss me' said the Landlady.
'Not yet. Your going too fast with the game' Miss Nettle said crossly.
'What is your name?'
'Miss Nettle, Mildred Nettle.'
'Mildred. What a lovely name. It reminds me of wounder bra's. Here is your room. You wait out side while I clear some shit up.'
The Landlady went inside. She was in there for ten minuits. Mildred could hear her moving furniture about with grunts and strains.
'You can come in now' purred the Landlady.
'Ah a bed. I'm so tired' said Miss Nettle jumping on it to rest.
'You say you have been walking for miles?' asked the Landlady.
'Yes it must be over a hundred.'
'Poor lamb. You just rest. I'll get your bags.'
'Your so kind. Mrs...?'
'Mrs Flask. But you can call me the Landlady. Your feet look so swollen from so much walking. Let me massage them for you.'
The landlady began to squeeze Mildreds toes. She sighed and closed her eyes and breathed heavily . 'Oh yes. That feels good.' The Landlady began to suck them eroticly. After a while Miss Nettle sat up. 'Enough . Let us get on with part two of the game. Introduce me to your guests.'
The two bounded into the living room. Three people were sat around a dinning table. Mr Grusatut, a fifty something old man who was pompus and sometimes hated women. And his partner in bussness Mr Solid. He had a different approach to women. He beleaved himself to be "A New Man" but he was very slimey. Also dress compleaty in black right down to her gloves which she even wore in bed was the Fiendish Woman.
Miss Nettle sat down with them.
'This is Miss Nettle" said the Landlady. 'Our new guest.'
'Another funny looking bitch. Rather like you , eh Fiendish woman?' said Mr Grusatut.
'Quiet Mr Grusatut or you shall perish' she said.
'What do you do for a living Miss Nettle?' asked Mr Solid. 'Or are you a house wife?'
'If she was a house wife she would'nt have a title like "Miss" would she you stupid cunt' said Mr Grusatut scratching his crutch.
'I revive exstinct weeds' said Miss Nettle.
'A career woman eh?' said Mr Grusatut. 'A womans place should be mucking out the toilet or shit house depending how crude you want me to be.'
'Toilet will do' said Mildred.
'Mr Grusatut and I are on busness. We are representitives of the Bootleg Rock Company. We scout around the country looking for rocks and pebbles that have been produced illeagaly. Also we are nappy fetists. You know, gurgling and wetting the bed. That sort of thing.'
Mildred nodded knowingly.
'What about some fucking tea. All this talk is making me suspicious of every one.' Said Fiendish woman. 'By the way I'm a hired killer' she added.
After several cups of tea the guests went to bed leaving the Landlay to lock up and tidy away. She lit a candle then crept up the spiral stairs. There was voices coming from the Fiendish womans room.
'You bad babies' she was shouting. 'that's the third pair you soiled today.'
'But Mummy I want some ice cream. Pleeeaaaseee mum mum.' Said Mr Solid in a pathetic childish voice.
'I want my dummy' wimperd Mr Grusatut even more patheticly.
'I tell you what your going to get. Daddys slipper' said Fiendish woman sternly. The two grown men started to cry.
The Landlady enterd Miss Nettles bed room. Mildred who was in bed looked up from her book she was reading. 'Ah good you are here. Its time for part three of our game' she said.
'Good' the Landlady breathed heavily. ' I've been waiting to squosh your breasts with my heavy ones all night' she said unbuttoning her top.
As the Landlady rubbed her naked body on Miss Nettle's Mildred thought of tomorrow. What a great day it would be. The annual celebration of the revival of the Plasmis weed. She would make a wreath out of the weeds and throw it over a lamppost . She could'nt wait.
SEXTON MING