ECTOPLASM
Speeding fast through the woods. A red sports car dashes along the winding roads. Its engine rumbles and grawls. Inside is a man desperite for
something. He must find this thing at all costs. His name is Mr Banghard. He is wealthy, married with two children. His wife, a stoney faced
conservitive has sent him on this erand to find a strange, mythical substance called ectoplasm. He must not return home till he has found it.
With his hand gripped firmly on the wheel he thinks. 'I have been told that some where in these woods many mediums, witches and occultists live.
Surly one of them can help me. For my harsh wife will not let me into my own house without this ectoplasm. What she wants it forÉI don't fucking
know.'
Suddenly through a clearing on a patch of grass behind the trees Mr Banghard saw a caravan painted dark red.
'Ah a travler' he thought. 'They may know where I can find a mystic who could produce me ectoplasm.'
He parked his red sports car and ran down to the caravan. He knocked on the door. A dog started to bark. Then the door opened. There stood before him
a beautiful young woman with long unruly blond hair and smoking eyes.
'Your lovly' blurted Mr Banghard unable to hold his desire.
'Be quiet ' said the girl. 'What do you want. Be quick for I have fire wood to chop and a dog to feed.'
"I'm sorry. Let me introduce my self. I am Mr Bang hard and I am in search of some ectoplasm. Do you know of anyone around here who can produce
such stuff? I am willing to pay a high price.'
'How much of a high price' asked the girl.
'15,000. And that's as far as I'll go' said Mr Banghard.
'Hmmm' mumbled the girl. 'Well as you can see I'm a Gypsy. And us gypsys have magical powers. I can easily chuck up some ectoplasm from my guts.'
'Realy?' said Mr Banghard not beleaving his luck. 'Heres 15.000" he said pulling a wad of notes out of his wallet. 'I' ll have some now please.'
'Not so fast' said the gypsy girl. 'I have to go into a trance first. Come back in two hours.'
'Two hours eh?' said Mr Banghard excitedly and over joyed. 'Great. I'll be back.' And with that he climbed into his car and drove off.
The young gypsy woman closed the door and turned to her black dog.
'Quick. Help me Rover. Get the bowl from the kitchen sink. Get all the used sanitry towels from under my bed and the toilet paper . I'll rip up some
whites sheets and mix in some wall paper paste. We'll give this city cunt some fake ectoplasm. Ha ha ha. "
Meanwhile Mr Banghard was in a near by bar having a glass of red wine.
'Oooohhh that gypsy girl does things to my genitals. So pure. Untainted by wealth. Unlike my greedy wife who just loves me for the things I can buy
her. Oh gypsy girl, she is magical. She has no fear . Doubtless in every thing. She knows no time. Unchecked the shortest of her love. She lives inside
you when she's gone.'
Back at the caravan the girl was putting the finishing touches to her fake ectoplasm.
'Ha ha ha a bit of cotton wool makes all the diference. This looks like ectoplasm now.'
There was a knock at the door. It was Mr Banghard.
'Have you got the fabled ectoplasm?' he asked.
'Yes. Here you are' said the girl handing him the washing bowl full of white and smelly gunge.
'Thank you. Here is 15.000.'
'Thanks" said the gypsy girl stuffing the money into her knickers.
Two days later there was a knock on the gypsy girls door. She opened it to find Mr Banghard standing there looking very cross.
'Oh dear. Its you' she said.
'Yes its me' he said. 'That ectoplasm you sold me was fake. It was made of used sanatery towels.'
'I suppose you want your money back.'
'On the contry . I want you to have this roast chicken as a thank you preasent' he said.
'But why?' Said the girl.
'Well you see my bloody shitty wife was so shocked that it was'nt real ectoplasm that she had a hart attack and feel out of the third floor window.
Now she is dead. And now I am free to love you.'
Oh that's lovly' said the gypsy girl.
Suddenly Randos the bull tapped Mr Banghard on the shoulder.
'Excuse me mate' said Randos. 'But I've just shat in your carburator and your car is fucked up for ever.'
'That is ok Randos.' Said Mr Banghard. "Who needs mertirial things when you have love.'
'that's a positive attitude you got there mate' said Randos.
'Hurrray for Randos' they all cried.
SEXTON MING