THE BE BOP HIPPO
March 2001
Every morning Jeffry the big hippo liked to wallow in the mud pool of the jungle. He loved to splash and roll about. Much to the anoyence of the wild ducks and ostriches. He would take a running jump.
'Wayhay . I'm coming in' he would say as his fat body fell with a splash into the mud.
'Why do you have to jump so heavily into the pool covering us in mud Jeffry you fat bastard' said the ducks and ostriches. 'Our feathers get dirty all the time.'
'Ho ho ho' laughed jolly Jeffry every time. 'Where's your sence of fun. Come on in. The mud's fine.'
One morning, as useual Jeffry was in the mud pool rolling about. 'Mud, mud. Glorious mud' he sang to himself. But unknown to him in the bushes hid two men. They watched Jeffry very carfuly.
'I've had my eye on that hippo for years' said one who's name was Captain Tempriture.
'Yes he is a big proud beast' said the other who's name was Sargent Baby Oil.
Both were fighting men. They had fought in many wars as mercenary's. And when they wernt killing people for money they liked to hunt wild animals like tigers, elephants and bears.
'His head would make a good trophy on my wall' said Captain Tempriture.
'How will we capture him' said Sargent Baby Oil. 'He's so big and fat. It will take twenty men.'
'I know a way where it will only take us two to capture him.'
'Eh?'
'I have a cunning plan' said Captain Tempriture. 'Come I will show you.'
The two men walked deep into the under growth leaving the unsuspecting Jeffry to toss and turn in the mud.
That night the moon was full . Its mystical silvery light danced on the now empty mud pool. Grass hoppers scratched their legs and filled the still air with chirping noises. A baboon would occasionally snore in the tree's. Snakes sliverd about silently. All was quiet in the jungle. Then the bushes started to move. Out from them walked two men. It was Captain Tempriture and Sargent Baby Oil. They carried with them a gallon sized tin can.
'Bring it over here' whisperd the Captain as he knelt down by the edge of the pool 'Pour it into the mud bath' he orderd.
'What is this stuff?' asked Sargent Baby Oil.
'It is liquid L S D. When that hippo swims in here he will start tripping. He wont know where he is. He will be easy to capture. Ha ha ha.'
The next morning Jeffry came galloping along for his morning mud bath.
'Ho ho ho I love my baths. I like it when I squish.
'Yeah. Well donŐt get any over us, you fat lump' said the ducks and ostriches.
Jeffry jumped right in. After a minuet of rolling over and splashing about in the watery mud Jeffrey began to feel a little bit strange.
'Ooohh I feel light headed and esoterical, spiretual even. Oooohhh. I see colours , red, yellow and blue. I feel funny. But nice funny.'
Captain Tempriture put on a Jazz album on a portable record player. The sound of brass and rolling drums afected Jeffrys mind.
'I sence dangerous rythoms. Mango beat. Be Bop. Crazy man, crazy. Charlie Mingus and Bud Powell. Dig it man. Yeah far out. The clouds are mushrooms. And men are on Mars. I see and hear and smell the trumpet skid on the highway. What a groovy sound man. I must dance to this crazy beat."
Jeffrey started to move his body in a strange snake kind of way, singing to himself a-tonaly. The other animals and birds watched astonished.
'Jeffry whats got into you. Your behaving very strangely' said one ostrich.
'Have you been drinking?' asked a lion.
'No man. Cant you feel the beat" slerd Jeffry. 'Dig it man. Dig that rythom. I'm a funk child.'
'I think we ought to get him out of there' suggested the lion. 'He obviously is'nt feeling too well.'
The animals pushed him out of the pool and took him home.
'Ha ha ha" laughed Capatain Tempriture. "See? The hippo was helpless. He was tripping. Tomorrow we will fill the pool with two gallons of L S D. Then when he;'s out of his mind we'll throw a net over him and capture him.'
'This is a great way of hunting wild animals' said Sargent Baby Oil.
The next day Jeffry skipped down to the mud pool. He had forgotten about the day befor. He was about to jump in when the wild ducks and ostriches said "You donŐt wont to go in there Jeffry. Rember it turned you all strange. We think its been contaminated.'
'Nonsence. I just got a bit of sun stroke, thatŐs all'. And with that Jeffry jumped in. Straight away he began to trip. Captain Tempriture put on a record of Miles Davis.
'Wow!' exclaimed Jeffry, his eyes wide. "I hear the mystical sounds of jazz again..'
Jeffry began to rant gibberish.
'The saxaphone is mumbling his words among the thunder of Art Blakey's drums. The girl is great with the knee's. Swinging it all about with every thing she's got. Way out into inner space.. I can hear the kids jive man, jive. Be Bop a-lou la. She's my baby.'
'He's reciting jazz poetry.' Said Captain Tempriture.
'See the chimps in the tree's swinging like James Brown. Zig zag like Zoro. Oh baby I am hippo. With a grass hopper on my knee. Now I am a hippy. Peace, love and flowers man.'
'Now he has turned into a Hippy' said Sargent Baby Oil.
'Oh mice at the computer..."
'Now he's gone all modern.'
'Stop what you are doing. Oh Lord think of your actions. You wont get far without a bratwurst.'
'He's realy lost sence of reality. He is tripping at its highest.' Said Captain Tempriture. 'Lets capture him.
With a big net made of strong rope the two men ran towards the hippo muddy water. The animals and birds took fright and ran away. Captain Tempriture cast the net over poor Jeffry while Sargent Baby Oil drew his hunting knife.
'Lets cut his head off' he said with glee.
'Not so fast' came a loud gruff voice. The two men looked up. Across on the other side of the pool stood Randos the Bull.
'Look it Randos' said a lion. 'The patron saint of all animals.'
'And birds' said a duck.
'Release that hippo'said Randos angrily.
'Who do you think you are you smelly beast?' asked Sargent Baby Oil.
'I am Randos. And I will kill you shitty humans for feeding drugs to that
unfortunate hippo' he said as his sunk deep into Sargent Baby Oil's guts. So hard was the punch that it broke the Sargent's spine in two killing him.
'Now take that hippo home and give him a cold shower' Randos said to the other animals. But befor he finished Captain Tempiture drew his knife and jumped on him. But Randos was too quick. He grabbed the knife and with one swipe cut the Captains head off. Randos held it up by its hair. 'Behold. A head of a mutant' he said.
'Hurray for Randos' cried the birds and animals.
THE END
Sexton Ming