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ALIENS
Once, in the dead of night when the moon was hollow
and the wind was wispy. When all was silent except
for the distant hum of city traffic and the screech
of foxes as they mated. From the inky sky desended
a silver object, round with pink lights and as big
as a bus. It mooed and moaned as it cushioned
itself upon the grassy bank of the local
park.
With a spooky hush two
sliding doors slowly opened. Out folded three
silver steps. Two abominable looking creatures
apeard. They had two heads and two necks each and
no arms. They wore sting vests and white pants.
They were beings from another planet. The planet
Zarko to be precise. One spoke.
'We are here Comander
Yuk.'
'Yes Polazz. The Planet
they call Earth. How futile it seems. Look on the
ground. No comfortable rocks. Just moist
grass.'
'The creatures called
Humans that live on this planet are great consumers
of goods.'
'Thats right Polazz. And
our mission is to capitalise on their consumerism.
But for now we must rest. For we have traveled far.
We shall go to bed and put our operation in motion
at first light. But first lets put our head sets on
and listern to Black Sabbath to improve our
English.'
The next day arrived. Busy
were the streets of London. The shopping malls were
full. In the Baby and child shop Mrs Ketchup was
buying some new socks for her grandson.
'I like the texture of
these socks' she said to the cashier. 'They are
rough and coarse. They will hurt his little
feet.'
'Make the little bastard
suffer' retorted the cashier.
Then crashing through the
glass doors came Camander Yuk and
Polazz.
'Behold Earthlings' cried
Comander Yuk. We of the planet Zarko have come to
study how you consume.'
'Goodness gracious me'
gasped Mrs Ketchup. 'Aliens.'
'Thats right Earth woman
and you will bend down to our power.'
'Look Comander Yuk'
shouted Polazz excitedly holding up a pair of
nappys. 'Small pants.'
'They are babys nappys'
said Mrs Ketchup.
'What are they for?' asked
Comander Yuk.
'They are for babys to
shit in' she said.
'Quickly Polazz. Put them
on and have a dump..'
Polazz did as his Comander
ordered. After he had finished he threw them on the
counter next to the cashier. She looked at the
steaming green turd inside the nappys and
grimaced.
'Now re-sell them at a
high price. We will distroy your economy' bellowed
Comander Yuk. And with that they left the
shop.
'Come Polazz. We will
visit what these humans call a Super
Market.'
'Yes oh
Comander.'
Into one of Londons
biggest food chains did the Aliens go.
'What is this?' asked
Comander Yuk.
'Its what the humans call
food' said Polazz.
Comander Yuk grabed a man
with his foot. 'Why do you eat this muck?' he
asked.
'Because it makes me shit'
the man said.
'And what colour is
it?'
'Brown. Sometimes
tan.'
'How would you like it to
be green?'
'Yes please' the man said
excitedly.
'Then eat these chocolaite
coverd interstella meteorites.'said Comander
Yuk.
'Let me have
some.'
'No me.'
'I want some green shit.'
people in the supermarket began to cry.
The Aliens sold thousands
upon millions of their special meteorites that day.
Thus ruining the British food industry. But not
realy. Its all a lie.
SEXTON MING
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